Do you?
A while back I had to apologize for something that I knew in my heart was not on my plate. It was after much back and forth with myself, after the justification to myself that I wasn’t in the wrong. That I had done everything I could have in the situation presented to me.
And the cycle followed, annoyance at the unfairness of the situation. Righteous indignation at the knowledge that I had acknowledged the other person’s feelings but of course I had my own perception and feelings that were yet again not acknowledged.
Then someone mentioned to me that the other party just wanted to hear I’m sorry. And my jerk knee reaction was a big HECK NO !!!. Why do I have to cater to their wants and needs? Are my needs less important? And you know how you can feel yourself heating up? … Cheeks warming, palms heating up, agitation rising? Yah! that is exactly what was happening to me. I was getting good and heated. And then …..
Then I did some self reflection, and thought through my thoughts. And I realized..
The biggest thing I could hear was I I I I.
Whereas this was not about ME. It was about the other party, and their hurt. As a friend in that moment, I could either chose to let my ego win or give my friend some grace and meet them at their point of need despite how unfair it seemed. Because at the end of the day some things are just not worth shattering bonds over.
And so I apologized.
Because that relationship was more important to me than any perception I may have had. And at that moment it became clear to me …. that sometimes growth comes even when we are not aware that it’s happening.
A few years ago, that conversation with myself would not have happened. I was so fine with losing friends to save my ego.
I believe that is called growth. So my friend …. Do you apologize even when you don’t think you should?
